Chaos and disorder

Chaos, emotional chaos, never seems to be far away for me these days. The journey is grief is not a linear one--it is a tangled mess, with one emotion this day, and another the next.

After a lengthy break for happiness the monster has grabbed me by the ankle again. The truth is, I really am better equipped to handle the monster than I was even a few months ago. But he is still a monster. And he still wants to drag me under all the time.

It's a fight for me again. I know I will get back on top. I know God is with me. I know I will conquer this mountain of mine. But the fight is on again.

Yesterday would have been Faye's 74th birthday. And how I wish she was here for it.

It was one of those triggering days that occur as part of the journey I--and all my grieving friends--are on. I love my grieving friends. Even those I've never met and maybe never will are family. We have a bond.

Happy birthday, my Queen. I miss you, but I press on.