Tears

There's an old country song called If Teardrops Were Pennies. The chorus goes on to say if heartaches were gold.

Crying in the Rain is an old Everly Brothers song.

I've been thinking about tears of late. It's not that I've been crying a lot--I haven't but it does seem my heart is often moved to the point of tears.

The thing is--those tears, or near tears,  really aren't painful anymore.

I wouldn't even say they are healing--something else seems to be happening.

The Lord seems to be telling me to be unafraid of these tears. These are no longer tears coming from my grief.

They are tears for the pain and brokenness of others. I know that might sound strange or even weird but my new-found sensitivity is not for myself alone. I cry for a broken world and the broken people around me.

And as allow my heart to be tender I believe God is doing something--in me, of course--but for others as well.

And so I press on.

The sovereignty of God

I've reached a place where I can say life is hard but God is good. And I can also say I'm at peace with my life and with the sovereignty of God.

That doesn't take away from the pain of loss and grief but I know that under all of that is a God who is real, who is sovereign and who is good in all he does--even when I don't understand. And I'm not sure I'll ever fully understand the why of Faye dying suddenly on the morning of January 17, 2018. But I've released, or let go, of my need to understand.

Part of that understanding is letting go of Faye. She belongs, present tense, to God. She always belonged, past tense, to God. As important as she was to me she did not belong to me, for that matter, I did not belong to her, she belonged to God, her creator, the one who loved her from before her birth.

And I'm at peace with that.

And so I press on.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Life is changing

Grief is different for everybody. Relationships are different and grieving people are different--nobody is the same

For me, 27 months after losing Faye, I feel the vicissitudes of grief are levelling out.  I never go a day without thinking of my enthusiastic, energetic, friendly Faye. but I'm reading to live my life again.

I'm almost embarrassed to think I've more or less lost two years of my life but the past is the past--it is time to embrace the new.