New challenges

In A Grief Observed C.S. Lewis says something to the effect of he was either grieving all day, or thinking about grieving all day.

I can absolutely relate to that sentiment. The deepest pangs of grief have largely--not entirely but largely--passed but now even if I'm not grieving all day, I find myself thinking about grieving all day. Well really not all day. I am doing better than that but certainly much of the day.

Even getting through the deepest part of grief presents an odd kind of challenge related to the process of rebuilding my life.

I'm now in a process of restoring order my life--in my house--in how I eat--in how I structure my day--and in becoming productive again. That refers to business but there is more to being productive than working on my business. It also refers largely to using my time well again. And that means disciplined. And that means stepping into activities I don't necessarily want to do but choose to do.

Each step I take to make myself more productive and active and healthy reminds me of grief and of the fact that I'm life building alone. And so it awakens that emptiness.

But I do press on--and each day, inch by inch, it gets better.