Flooded with memories

I've been flooded with memories lately--memories of the beautiful lady that was part of the very fabric of my very being for 24 years. Memories of her many strengths and of her few weaknesses. And flashbacks to our last few days together.

These memories are washing over me after a month or so of genuine happiness. The sting of those memories has faded. They no longer debilitate me as they once but they still make me ache.

Please don't tell me it's time to move on. I am moving on but this grief thing is an unruly beast. Truly it is. And it cannot be directed. It is untamed. That is simply truth and reality.



So it is taking me for a ride again, an unexpected ride but not truly because I've learned to take each day by itself--focussing my mind on God and His hope but not being surprised by surprises.

As I've been in that place of memory I was reminded of something I wrote lying sleepless in bed on the early morning of Jan. 28--my first day alone.

My Queen, my precious, beautiful Queen Faye,
Please take a moment to rest in the presence of Jesus,
Let all Heaven ring with your amazing laugh,
Bless them with your beautiful smile,
And wait for me,
But maybe, just maybe,
There's no waiting in Heaven where time is no more,
Or maybe, since 10,000 years is but a single day maybe you'll be waiting but a few minutes,
Now my head hurts.
On your side you drink deeply and fully of joy; on this side I can do no more than sip,
On your side you possess; on this side I can only long and ache and wait,
On your side you know Reality and Truth; on this side I have but a shadow and a glimpse,
I will see you soon my love.

Pressing on