Honest reflections

I've noticed people tend not to read the blog unless I post onto Facebook. And that's fine, there are times when it's just as well nobody reads it, because it allows me to post honestly but relatively privately. (I know, no blog post is actually private.)

Here are some things I'm noticing as I continue this up and down journey of healing.

Faye used to get on my nerves with her obsession with weight and eating but, as annoying as that was, it kept me on track with my eating. I need to emphasize the fact that over the last few years we have been on the same page in terms of nutrition. I am completely satisfied with following the WildFit regime, which could be called paleo, or hunter-gatherer, or evolutionary, or cyclical ketogenic. But Faye was my conscience. It irritated me to no end but I miss it. And I am tired of getting fatter. In fact I'm embarrassed about my weight gain so losing Faye.

A sense of restlessness or being unsettle continues to grow. I am getting ready for the next phase of my life. I still don't know what that will look like but I'm waiting for it.

The dumbasses in my life, and there are one or two, irritate me more than ever before. On the other hand there's no question I value a few friends more than ever.

I feel an almost desperate need to expand, or even change, my social circle. I honestly don't feel like I fit into my old social circle well. Changes need to be made.

The disorder in my life needs to end. It is part and parcel of grieving so I'm not beating myself up about that but I need to start--step by step--building order in my life.

I've been living off investments. I'm restless in terms of business and finances. I need to start building a business again.

I'm not retired--not even close, even if I was entirely comfortable with my financial situation. (It really isn't bad but I can, and will, make it better.

I'm restless to get productive.

Pressing on.