Changes

I feel--and, yes, this is just a feeling--that I'm a different person today than I was January 16. I've changed.
Faye's sudden and absolutely unexpected death changed me. It wasn't just my life that changed, and it has, I have changed.


Faye's death was my Ford of Jabbok experience. That was where Jacob met God and wrestled with Him through the night. The experience ended with God touching Jacob's hip and leaving him with a limp for the rest of his life. And then God changed Jacob's name to Israel.

I've been left with a limp and my name has been changed.

I have only the vaguest idea about what this means in practice but I have to embrace it. I'm convinced of that.

I feel my heart has become more tender and tears will come more easily, but not just because of my grief.

Life and living well will become more important to me. And I already have a deeper awareness of and passion for Heaven, and not just because of my hope of a reunion with my lady.

My priorities are already changing. I thinking living by God values all the time is becoming more profoundly important.

The fear of man is breaking, I still have a long way to go but it's coming. And that, of course, will affect my day to day decisions.

There will be many practical changes coming. Will I be living somewhere I didn't expect to live? Possibly. Will my occupations change? Quite likely.

I need to be careful that I don't make changes out of confused emotions but when the time comes for decisions I will say yes to God.