Faye was a worker with the heart of a servant. She loved serving needs.
If something needed doing in church she was at the front of the line--always. She was forever bustling about in the kitchen doing whatever needed to be done. And she was more than happy doing that. Helping made her happy.
I don't that gift or that personality but she was a true example.
Missed by many.
Friday, September 28, 2018
Thursday, September 27, 2018
Meta post
This is not actually a meta post. I want to write about meta cognition, which can be roughly translated into looking at my thinking from the outside, or thinking about my thinking. If my by any chance anybody reads this don't worry this doesn't mean I'm stuck in anything. All of this relates to thoughts I've had previously about the ways I've changed.
I've noticed of late a tendency to stand outside looking in on various activities. To some degree that's about being an introvert because introverts are good observers. But it has changed and is a little stronger.
It certainly is a symptom of ongoing grief. It's also part of a serious uncertainty about my future and what I want in life and where I'm going to next. My life has changed--absolutely. I'm not just a victim of the sudden death of someone I loved. I'm a healthy man with a future. I'm not absolutely sure what that future will be so I find myself standing on the fringes and observing and thinking and praying.
Having said all that I genuinely understand the need to engage. I am, in some things, and I'm hesitating in others. It won't last forever.
I've also noticed I've become a bit of a jerk. I'm saying that tongue in cheek. I hope others see it the same way but to a significant degree I don't care.
I have virtually no patience with conversations and activities that don't serve me--that don't help me heal, or find joy, or get happier and more productive. So, maaaybe I can seem kind of pissed off at times, or maybe just a little abrupt. I honestly believe my heart is more tender than it was. I honestly don't believe I'm lack compassion but I do--and will--walk away from conversations that don't serve. Please don't be offended.
Faye was always the one who would say no to food that wasn't part of her/our nutritional plan. I was always the one who was too nice to say no. It seems I'm not as nice as I used to be. I will say no to food that doesn't make me mentally, physically, and emotionally stronger.
I've always said the physical first and then the spiritual. I've got to take care of the temple.
Pressing on--please bear with me.
I've noticed of late a tendency to stand outside looking in on various activities. To some degree that's about being an introvert because introverts are good observers. But it has changed and is a little stronger.
It certainly is a symptom of ongoing grief. It's also part of a serious uncertainty about my future and what I want in life and where I'm going to next. My life has changed--absolutely. I'm not just a victim of the sudden death of someone I loved. I'm a healthy man with a future. I'm not absolutely sure what that future will be so I find myself standing on the fringes and observing and thinking and praying.
Having said all that I genuinely understand the need to engage. I am, in some things, and I'm hesitating in others. It won't last forever.
I've also noticed I've become a bit of a jerk. I'm saying that tongue in cheek. I hope others see it the same way but to a significant degree I don't care.
I have virtually no patience with conversations and activities that don't serve me--that don't help me heal, or find joy, or get happier and more productive. So, maaaybe I can seem kind of pissed off at times, or maybe just a little abrupt. I honestly believe my heart is more tender than it was. I honestly don't believe I'm lack compassion but I do--and will--walk away from conversations that don't serve. Please don't be offended.
Faye was always the one who would say no to food that wasn't part of her/our nutritional plan. I was always the one who was too nice to say no. It seems I'm not as nice as I used to be. I will say no to food that doesn't make me mentally, physically, and emotionally stronger.
I've always said the physical first and then the spiritual. I've got to take care of the temple.
Pressing on--please bear with me.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Come Thou Fount
Oh to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
The incredible volatility of grief recovery reminds me of these lines from the great hymn Come Thou Fount by Robert Robinson.
My life over the last eight months has made me very aware of my desperate need for God's grace, not only for salvation, but for perseverance. My heart truly is prone to wandering. One day my emotions are strong and healthy, the next day weak and despondent.
I can't make it on the basis of my willpower alone. I can't I'm not strong enough, or good enough, or wise enough. I need the power, love and grace of God every day.
So I ask Him to bind my wandering heart to Him.
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
The incredible volatility of grief recovery reminds me of these lines from the great hymn Come Thou Fount by Robert Robinson.
My life over the last eight months has made me very aware of my desperate need for God's grace, not only for salvation, but for perseverance. My heart truly is prone to wandering. One day my emotions are strong and healthy, the next day weak and despondent.
I can't make it on the basis of my willpower alone. I can't I'm not strong enough, or good enough, or wise enough. I need the power, love and grace of God every day.
So I ask Him to bind my wandering heart to Him.
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