It's a fascinating examination of why some people survive wilderness accidents, while others don't. This isn't going to be a book review but one hint regarding the key to survival is that it's not about experience in the wilderness.
What I've been thinking about is the similarities between surviving getting lost in the wilderness or plane crash in the wilderness and surviving the loss of someone you love.
Wilderness survivors invariably accept their situation. They don't live in denial. People who get lost have a strong temptation toward denial--saying they are fine, or the lodge is just over the hill that way.
Survivors acknowledge they are in trouble, possibly desperate trouble. I think, not seeking as a counsellor or a psychologist, that grievers need to get to the point of acceptance faster rather than slower. That's why I have always insisted on saying Faye died, as opposed to saying she passed away or some euphemism. Yes I believe in eternal life. But her body is dead, I will not see her again in this life.
And I admit to being lost without her. Life is not the same. And building a new life has been difficult.
Survivors take responsibility for their survival. They don't wait for someone to rescue them. They know that, when it comes down to it, survival is up to them.
I think that applies to surviving grief. I have had lots of people reach out to me in my darkest times. I know there are people who love me and I am truly grateful for them.
But the reality is nobody can fill that aching hole in my heart. And I have had to face dark days alone. Rebuilding my life is between myself and God and His grace. Nobody but myself, with the help of God, can tend the flame in my heart. So I blame no one and ultimately cannot surrender to self pity.
Survivors see the beauty even in their fear and pain. People clinging to life on the side of a mountain have been known to see the beauty. It could be called glimpsing heaven from a seat in hell. People who don't have that perspective tend to die on their mountainsides.
I say that absolutely applies to my grief journey. I have to choose to see beauty whenever I can and to be grateful. Joy is available. Joy can be found. And I am grateful and I express gratitude every day.
Survivors chose to live and they are determined in that choice. People struggling to survive wilderness disasters actually often have a certain dual perspective of abandonment to never getting out alive but fighting for life as long they have breathe.
I choose to pursue life. I will know joy. And I will know new life again. I am determined. It may only be inch by inch and day by day but I will take that inch.
Soli Deo Gloria.
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