Purpose

As my second year without Faye draws to a close, on Jan. 17, to be precise it troubles me to acknowledge I'm still in significant measure lost. Yes I am. My life is still in a bit of shamble.

Hope and faith remain steadfast, yet I still feel like I'm driving in the fog. When I talk with other grievers I find many of us are still in the same place.

My emotions are fairly stable. I have happy days. In fact I have genuinely happy days. And more reasonably happy days than the opposite. If you would ask me how I'm doing I would more than likely tell you that I'm fine, or good, or perhaps I'd say I'm okay. And I would be telling the truth.

But yet I'm having trouble getting life in order and living with purpose.
My house is a mess and I feel like I'm still drifting through life.

With that in mind my one word for 2020 is purpose.

To explain I like to end every year, or begin every new year, with a single theme word. The word this is year is purpose. I intend to live this year with purpose. Beginning, of course with finding purpose.

Of course my intention is to live fully for the glory of God as the tattoo says "Soli Deo Gloria." But what that is supposed to look like for me, in particular, this particular year, has yet to be fully determined. But I will live with purpose. That might mean leaving some things behind while I pursue new purposes. Could be. Might be. But it does mean embracing life again.

And it does mean forgetting what lies behind and pressing on to my high calling. And yes I am firmly convinced good things lie before me. I will, I must, go where the life is and where the joy.

That sounds kind of vague and mystical perhaps. But it's time to live with purpose again. I must be determined in that.

As I've been praying and meditating of late I've been sensing a call to embrace new wineskins. Sounds a little frightening but I will do so. I need to live again.

Pressing on.